Friday, April 29, 2011

Down to the wire

Election day is getting close so now is the time to make sure no one wavers. 

The majority will be ours as long as everyone, in the tradition of true Conservatives, keeps their ears covered and their eyes closed until May 2. Fellow sheeple, you must do everything in your power to avoid talking to anyone that may attempt to talk some sense into you change your mind.

Ignore the polls. Turn off the TV. Stop reading the newspaper. These are all tools that the left wing media uses to try to trick you into switching your vote. 

It is very important that at this time you must absolutely ignore the NDP.

These socialists want to ruin the country by not spending billions and billions on new fighter aircraft and instead spending billions and billions on health care. Really? What Canadian wants that? 

Then they want to actually try and do something on the environment. C'mon. What is wrong with the environment? Global warming will be good for Canada.  With the Tory party you can be assured of warmer winters, drier summers and a longer growing season for our Western farmers. Talk about a win, win, win.

I could go on and on (but with your short attention span, none of you would read it anyway), but you get the point. Only the Tory party with its invisible campaign and its promise to do absolutely nothing if elected, other than give you many, many tiny tax cuts for everything you do that is, can be trusted to govern you. Since we have promised to do nothing you know, based on the previous 5 years, that we will succeed in keeping our promise to you, the sheeple of Canada. What other party can say that?

So remember - on May 2, if at all possible stay inside, do not go out, and do not let anyone talk you out of your decision to support PM Harper and the Tory party.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I admit, I was wrong.

In yesterday's post I said that the Conservatives were about to take their campaign into deep freeze until election day. I specifically said:
 "No one will say anything. Candidates have been told to avoid all candidates meetings. Everyone has been told to avoid cameras and especially microphones"
I also said to all you sheeple:
We are also suggesting that to make this lock down doubly effective that all of you with Tory lawn signs, take them down, right away. We don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about anything. And ... if you have any campaign literature, now would be a good time to destroy it as well.
That was the intention at least, but someone forgot to protect "THE BOOK". What book you ask? Well just the 500 page treasure trove for the opposition book that the Tory Party prepared full of deep and profound "contentious" quotes PM Harper has made in the past. To be fair I was partially right. No one stepped in it in front of a microphone ... they just did it in print this time! ARGH!!!!!

Time to calm down ... I am not upset. But this can not be happening again. Not for the third time in three elections. We can't screw it up again. Next thing you know the NDP will be climbing into second place in the polls, stealing away many of our easily fooled innocent sheeple. NOOOOOOOO!

But don't worry my sheeple, there is really a ton of stuff not much in the BOOK that you need to worry about. Most of these quotes were made before PM Harper became PM and then learned how not to say stupidly honest controversial things.

Okay so when talking about health care he did say:
"the best system means having a system where you have as many tiers as possible and you bring in as many health-care dollars into this country as possible"
"the private provision of publicly insured services should be permitted. The monopoly of provision of services is not a value that, in and of itself, is worth preserving.”
but I am sure he was really just talking about making the system better with more tax cuts and more kinds of doctors with more offices and more floors in the hospitals. He wasn't really talking about private medical care like in the US. And even if he was, you can be sure that to compensate you for any extra inconvenience or costs you would receive a very special targeted tax cut or credit just for you and your family, just like happens for other things you buy now like bus passes and hockey lessons.

So don't worry my sheeple. I'm sure that is the end of it. We can go back to sleep mode until May 2.Turn off your TV. Don't listen to the radio. Don't answer the door. And for heaven's sake don't listen to the latest polls lest they shake your confidence.

Monday, April 25, 2011

All quiet on the "right" front

Well fellow sheeple only 1 week until PM Harper gets his well deserved majority government by default. To make sure this happens you may notice that over these next 7 days you will see almost nothing of PM Harper, Tory MPs or Tory candidates. For that matter you will see little of anyone even tangentially associated with the Tory Party.

Why, you ask?

Simple. It's because the Tories learn from past mistakes. In both of the last 2 elections there was someone in the last week of the campaign that made some kind of idiotic and stupid minor comment that was misconstrued by the media and the public and which ultimately costs PM Harper his majority. 

This time will be different. No one will say anything. Candidates have been told to avoid all candidates meetings. Everyone has been told to avoid cameras and especially microphones. The campaign is going into extreme lock down mode. A Tory spokesman confided "We are going into deep freeze mode with this one. We want this as frozen as Tuktoyaktuk in February".

So sheeple if you don't see your candidate at the all candidates debate, or on TV or at your door, don't despair. We are also suggesting that to make this lock down doubly effective that all of you with Tory lawn signs, take them down, right away. We don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about anything. And ... if you have any campaign literature, now would be a good time to destroy it as well.  

Now if you think this is all extremely a little paranoid, trust me it is not. All kinds of crazy things are happening out there. For one the Socialist hordes look to be on the war path. They have already caught up with the Liberals in the polls and with the Bloc in Quebec and now there is only the Tory Party left to halt them before they take over the entire nation. And ... we know the best way to stop them is to make sure they can't find us. They can't attack us if we stay invisible.

If you happen to be confronted by one of the Socialist hordes trying to get you to change your vote, you should simply play dumb, which should be quite easy. You should be aware that they will try to tempt you with tax increases on corporations and more spending for the poor and the environment. Hah! Like that will work. They don't realise that the only thing Canadians want is more tax cuts, especially little meaningless ones targeted especially for them.

On this matter I should let you in on a little secret that is not being announced quite yet, probably because it would be misconstrued by the media. The next tax cut proposal will be to give people a tax credit for attending church on Sunday. That's right, you will now have an extra reason to get up and go to church on Sunday morning. The Tories know that religion and conservative values are what made this country and we want to reward the sheeple that still carry on these outdated traditions. It is also a way to reward our true supporters, who typically are the religious of Canada. So for now, shhhhhhh! But you will hear more soon enough.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

A special letter from PM Harper to President Obama

Fellow sheeple, we all know that PM Harper is a arrogant humble and autocratic generous man. Today I would like to provide you with even more evidence of this fact. I want to share with you the contents of a personal and private letter sent by PM Harper to President Obama in the USA.

Dear Barack,

I am writing to you to express my sincerest thanks for the actions you have taken in rescuing the American economy, at least temporarily, from the ravages of the recession. 

As you are no doubt aware, we in Canada are in the midst of an election campaign. Without your bold, courageous and dare I say fiscally foolhardy extremely expensive actions I am sure that there would be absolutely no chance at all of winning this election and certainly no chance of attaining the elusive majority government that is almost within my grasp. 

Your deficit spending, that while almost bankrupting your nation, has proved a godsend for us.  It has allowed me to keep giving the sheeple more and more tax cuts and it has saved us billions in unemployment insurance that we would have had to pay to unemployed workers (like auto workers). Your efforts to support the economy have also allowed Americans to keep driving big gas guzzling cars and this has helped keep oil demand at elevated levels, which of course is great because we are the ones selling you the oil (more thanks! especially from all your conservative friends in Alberta).

Of course all the money printing by the Fed has hurt us by increasing the value of our currency relative to yours, but that is not totally a bad thing. You see, Canadians now look at their loony as being worth more than an America dollar. Not only is that good for them when they go cross border shopping, it also makes all the sheeple feel that we, the Conservative Party, must be doing a fine job managing the economy.

Rest assured that once I get my majority I will do what I can to help you out in return. For one, once I am re-elected I will immediately confirm that we will be buying as many F-35's as we can afford (well actually we will buy more than we can afford, or need ... but that's how friends help friends, right?).

Thanks again,

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

PM Harper has made you rich!

As we get close to the end of the campaign you will hear more and more from the opposition trying to scare you by telling you all the horrible things that will happen once PM Harper gets his majority. As we have said before, just ignore this talk. PM Harper has only your best interests at heart. He is in no way like the power obsessed, arrogant, humourless, controlling, manipulative dictator that he sometimes comes across as. That perception is just the result of the image obsessed media world that we live in. It has no basis in reality, no matter what your eyes and ears tell you.

In today's message I want to explain to you just why PM Harper is on the verge of attaining a majority. It is very simple. He has made many, many Canadians rich. And who would not vote for more of that!

While so many of our American cousins have been ravaged by the recession and most of all by their collapse in house prices, PM Harper has taken action to make sure that the Canadian housing bubble stays "blown up", at least until after the election.

That's right, the increase in housing prices, especially since PM Harper took office has made many many Canadians richer than they can ever have hoped (at least those Canadians that own homes that is - if you were too slow to buy that's your own fault, what were you thinking, that house prices should actually be correlated to income, Geesh!). The combination of low interest rates, high immigration, and super easy mortgage terms have perfectly inflated the bubble so that all of us home owners benefit.

Now you may be aware that PM Harper has more recently put in some restrictions on new mortgages, making them a bit harder to acquire, and reversing changes previously implemented to make houses easier to buy. Don't worry, although these changes took effect March 18th, it is very unlikely that they will impact your house price until after PM Harper has received his new majority on May 2, and that of course is what is most important. The Tory party explicitly provides no warranty on home prices after May 2!

For those sheeple who may have read a bit more on the housing issue, or fear that Canada may follow the path constructed by the Republican party in the US let me say this: There is no truth to comments that the Canadian housing bubble is just like the US bubble, just on a delayed path. Yes, the Canadian market did only really get going after PM Harper's election in 2006, and after he brought in more mortgage competition and less regulation, and easier terms, but those are just inconvenient facts. The important thing is that your house has gone up in value and it continues to at least hold that value. Really, what else is important?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Don't be afraid!

As sheeple I can tell you that according to research it is very likely that we have larger amygdalas than your average Canadian. That is right, Conservatives are thought to have bigger amygdalas! What is an amygdala you ask? Well it is a part of your brain that deals with anxiety and emotions and is linked to the management of fear. Scientific work seems to indicate that if you have a larger amygdala then your political views will tend to be more conservative. 

On the other hand if you have a larger than average anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and a smaller amygdala then it is likely that you will have more liberal views. This is said to be the part of the brain that is linked to an interest in understanding new and/or complex things, something of course that we as sheeple have no interest in.

So what, you ask? Well ... the upshot seems to be that those of us with larger amygdalas are more likely to be comfortable with traditional values and more willing to support outdated positive ideas like more defense spending, capital punishment, and patriotism. This also explains why many of us feel uncomfortable with liberal views on issues like gun control, immigration, or foreign aid.

Although it all sounds wonderful, having a large amygdala can cause one small problem and it is important that you are aware of it during the election campaign. It turns out that those with larger amygdalas are also more susceptible to appeals that involve fear. So if you hear the opposition parties trying to scare you, for example trying to get you to be scared of a PM Harper majority, you now know why. They are trying to access your bigger amygdala.

Now rest assured that the Conservative Party would never resort to these kinds of tactics to get your vote (after all you have a larger amygdala and therefore are more likely to vote Tory anyway). When PM Harper talks about coalitions with the Bloc or Liberal fiscal mismanagement, budget deficits, or high spending, or the scary union influenced NDP, or losing health care or patronage or... he is not trying to scare you, just the opposite. He is just trying to relate to your super sized amygdala. That's why you should ignore the kind of comments like in today's Globe and Mail.

To be sure, the meat of the Conservative message is rooted in attack: warning of an “unnecessary election” that could result in a “fragile coalition,” of also-ran parties that, to add the latest trope, would threaten national unity by leaving the government in thrall to the separatists.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Pure dumb luck genius

Not much has been said about the pure dumb luck "genius" of PM Harper's decision to select May 2 as election day. 

I already noted in a previous entry that for most college and university students May 2 will be their first day of work at their summer jobs, and therefore this should make them less likely to go out and vote (they may be living away from where they are registered, or more likely just the normal fatigue from a day of hard work will probably be enough to make most of these typically not Tory voting young people stay home).

But, the genius does not end there. Think what major Canadian event happens just 2 days before election day. That's right, April 30th is the day by which your taxes need to be filed, and most people do leave it to the last minute. So think of what is going through most people's heads just a few days before the election.

Thank you PM Harper:
- for my tax credit for Jimmy's hockey and baseball
- for my tax credit for Mary's school bus pass
- for not making me pay tax on the 0.25% interest I made in my TSFA account
- for my parents being able to income split my Dad's pension

and thank you for the tax credits yet to come
- an adult fitness credit
- doubling the child fitness tax credit 
- child arts tax credit
- higher tsfa deductions
- a family care giver tax credit
- family tax cut
- more income splitting
- planting a tree tax credit 
- driving education tax credit
- feeding the birds tax credit
- shoveling your own sidewalk tax credit
- take your kids to the zoo tax credit
- holiday tax credit
- sunscreen tax credit
- work clothes tax credit
- TGIF tax credit
- an apple a day tax credit

There you have it. Tax cut after tax cut after tax cut. Who can not love that ... and a perfect reminder to all income earning Canadians (talk about free advertising) just 2 days before the election.

Clearly just about every Canadian will be getting a tax credit (or six) for something, and if they are not, you can be assured that PM Harper will find a way to make sure they will get one soon. Absolutely no idea is too "out there" if a tax cut is involved.

Of course you will hear some of those tax and spend types complaining that all this does is complicate the tax system (of course it does) and that with all the receipts people will have to keep, especially as most now e-file, it is going against the trend to simplicity (of course it is). Others point out that it would be far more efficient just to reduce overall tax rates (of course it would).  So what? If bribing giving each Canadian their own little personal feel good tax deduction helps win elections, what is not to like?

Then there are those bothersome deficit hawks that want to do more than just talk about how they will reduce the deficit. These spoil sports actually point out that all these tax cuts will make it much much harder to eventually balance the budget. Yeah, so what? The point is to win elections not balance budgets, haven't you been paying attention?

It is important to remember my fellow sheeple that in the end all these tax cuts, no matter how much they cost, will not impact on our cuts to health care or to other programs. Receiving tax credits, no matter how small, how useless, how ridiculous or how economically distorting is a basic Canadian right. Remember too that we are Tories. We only cut taxes, not spending. And ... that always reduces the budget deficit, trust us.


Sunday, April 17, 2011

Harper vs. Martin

Well fellow sheeple it looks like the Liberals are getting desperate. This weekend they trotted out that old war horse Paul Martin to help out poor Iggy. Don't they know how badly Martin will look in comparison to PM Harper. What can they be thinking?

Let's start by looking at just how differently PM Harper and Paul Martin look at the world. When Paul Martin was Finance Minister he would always "under promise and over deliver".  So for example he would say the budget deficit would be $15 billion, but then at the last moment it would come in at only $5 billion. This was outright and calculated deception inflicted on the Canadian people. We saw it year after year like budget surpluses projected at $3 billion that ended up being $12 billion. Martin was ruthlessly focused on paying down the debt and would go as far as deceiving Canadians and depriving them of their deserved tax cuts just to reach his goals. All we got from his tenure was reduced deficits, then surpluses, and then a lower national debt.

PM Harper and his Finance Minister Jim Flaherty did nothing of the sort. They stayed focused on cutting taxes, no matter what the economic situation. They made sure that they always "over promised and under delivered", no trickery at all. When the economy was going well (July 1, 2006) The Harper team made a bold move to return money to the Canadian public by cutting the GST to 6% from 7%. Then on Jan 1, 2008 they cut it further to 5%. On Oct 30, 2007 they boldly announced $60 billion in tax cuts! Wow, finally a government focused on giving money back to the people.

Of course there were some that questioned whether giving people tax cuts (which stimulate the economy) was a wise thing to do whilst the Bank of Canada was aggressively raising interest rates to try and slow down the economy, but they were probably just Liberals who wanted to use all that tax cut money to pay down more of the debt before the next recession came along. Who says you can't have your foot on both the gas and the brake pedal at the same time?

Of course we once again do have huge budget deficits in Canada. But, we also know that it is in NO way due to the stupid generous tax cuts given to the sheeple by Mr. Flaherty. It's just that with the recession tax revenues went down and expenses went up. After all who could have known that a recession was coming, and who could have known that tax cuts would actually lead to a decline in revenue and an increase in budget deficits. Certainly not any Conservative we have ever talked to.

As we look to the future, and a Harper majority government, we know that all the new tax cuts and tax benefits and tax credits being promised will lead to a much better financial picture. There is no truth to the rumour that all the tax cuts will actually lead to a reduction in revenue and bigger deficits. That just can not happen. Just remember the tried and true Tory approach - over promise and under deliver.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Harper is "Anti-Crime"

Great news today. The CBC is reporting that Stephen Harper is "Anti-Crime" (Harper touts anti-crime agenda) Take that Liberals, NDPers and Blocs. I have yet to see any media reports of your leaders being "anti-crime". Only PM Harper has so far come out and taken such a courageous and principled stand.

Let's be honest here fellow sheeple. We don't know why we have crime and we don't know why it keeps increasing decreasing, but as sheeple we do know that something has to be done about it. We know in our gut that criminals are getting away with something (what they are getting away with we are not too sure about, but we know it must be something - they are criminals after all). That's why we need more prisons, more prison guards, higher walls on the prisons, more drugs drug testing in the prisons, more police, and more guns on the streets in our homes, smaller federal budget deficits, and lower taxes (especially on guns and ammunition). We know that, through the conservative principals of voodoo economics, it is possible to both spend lots more money on fighting crime and criminals, and yet still be able to save money. We know PM Harper will explain all of this to us once he receives his majority.

Make sure though my fellow sheeple that you do not pay attention to the news out of the UK these days. Its seems that the Tories over there have not been listening closely enough to what PM Harper is saying. Why just today the Justice Secretary in the UK (supposedly a Conservative) came out with the following statement "prison is a waste of money". He went on to say that the rate of jail sentencing is "financially unsustainable". All I can say is it is a very good thing PM Harper does not pay much attention to what actually goes on away from Sussex Drive, or to anything that conflicts with his own pig-headed "from the gut" ideology, because you know what they say about facts.....


Canada's youth should be studying .... not voting

Yes it is now April, the month of April showers that will bring May flowers, or in sheeple terms, an April campaign that will bring a May majority government.

But of course April is also the month of exams for the many college and university students out there, a time when these youngsters are finally actually studying after months of partying, a time when they are focusing on their studies and so have precious little extra time to learn all the nuances of the various political platforms in order to inform themselves correctly before they vote. And then, before you can blink, exams will be over and it will time to move home or to work for the summer. For many students May 2 will be the first day of their summer jobs, and therefore not a day to be spent trudging off to the polls.

Of course the Conservative party knew that when they picked May 2 as the day for the election. You see! Just one more reason to give PM Harper his deserved majority.

Now usually I don't like to get too deeply into specifics on this blog, after all this blog is for the sheeple, not actual thinking voters. Still I think it is important that you realize just how "competent" your party is, and how proud you should be of it. 

One of the things that it is important to remember is the difference between Canadian and American politics. In the US it is all about image and glowing feelings about the nation's future (Hope, Change, "Morning in America"). In Canada though we are far more reasonable. Here it's all about "competence". And as we saw from the debates this week PM Harper is definitely not about image or ideas or glowing feelings. He is all about competence. Again, why else do you think the election is on May 2. 

You will be happy to know that the Conservative team has taken very lengthy and informative "voter suppression" courses from our friends, the Republicans in the US (of course we don't really call it "voter suppression" ... its more like making sure "those" people can't or don't vote ... and we all know who "those" people are) . 

The US Republicans have been able to develop this into a science and so we had much to learn. One of their key "take away" points was to make sure that the people who might not vote for you do not in fact actually vote. The election is not just about getting the most people to vote for you, it is also about getting those people who might vote against you to stay home, away from any dangerous ballot boxes.

To that end the Conservative Party has focused its attention on a number of key areas:

1. Iggy. We have thrown the book at Iggy because if we can knock off the "head", the body will follow. The goal is not so much to convince Liberals to vote Tory, but to get Liberals to just stay home. 

2. Arguing. It turns out Canadians don't like their politicians to argue with each other. So of course the more we can have Iggy and Jack arguing away the more they become disgusted with all politicians and so stay home on election day. (Of course Tory voters know who is really competent, so they still turn up to vote).

3. Funding. This one is really for the future, but ultimately by cutting off the gravy train of money for opposition parties (your tax dollars going to the Bloc) we can let the better informed wealthy (why do you think they are wealthy) fund the party that best looks after their interests (and their interests are your interests too, trust us), just like in the US.

4. Young people. As we saw in Guelph this week, if we are not careful the young may actually get organized and may actually vote. We saw what happened in Egypt and Tunisia and Libya when young people, using their modern technologies started to organize and "gang up" on the establishment. It becomes chaos, with governments being overthrown. This can not be allowed to happen in Canada. So, we are working closely with Elections Canada to stifle quickly any attempt by "flash mobs" of young voters to cast uninformed ballots (see - "competence" again).

Remember sheeple this election is all about "competence". It is absolutely imperative that your next Canadian leader be someone who is able to effectively run the country, even if there is no "vision" or path to head along. After all it is no sense having a destination if you don't know how to drive. We all know that PM Harper knows how to drive, and that is the most impotent thing. Now is the time to give him a shiny new "majority" car so that he can go wherever he chooses to go, or maybe just nowhere, because we know he will do it competently.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Arrogant? ... No. ..... Entitled? ... Certainly!

There have been some recent articles in the media claiming that some people see PM Harper as being arrogant. Of course nothing could be further from the truth. PM Harper is merely playing his role as PM. Take for instance the case of PM Harper only agreeing to take 5 questions from the press each day. This is perfectly normal. In a busy day there is only so much time available, and it is a waste of time to keep answering the same questions over and over again. Don"t forget that the PM, unlike his opponents, also has a country to run. Clearly the PM is entitled to a little slack on this one.

There have also been complaints about access to events being restricted to supporters only. Well what do you expect? Do you really want the prospect of our PM being heckled by opposition riff raff? Surely our PM is entitled to a little more respect than that. (Heck, even the former President of the USA, that much beloved man of the people, President George Bush II, used to use similar filtering systems for his events.)

RHIP (rank has it's privileges), so of course as PM Mr. Harper is in a different league than his opponents. He has already proven that he can be trusted as PM (That little thing about turning a surplus into a deficit is just that, a little thing. Who could have known that cutting taxes would also cut revenue?). Meanwhile those other pretenders to the throne have yet to prove that they can run anything. That's why they need to be subjected to far greater scrutiny and why for example we should stop pestering him about the G-20 auditors report (Hey, a little pork is just part of the job, and a billion is "just a little bit", just a bunch of zeros after all).

PM Harper on the other hand merely has to explain how much easier his job would be were he to have a majority. To do so it is not necessary to face unfriendly crowds or pesky reporters. That is why, despite any appearance to the contrary, PM Harper is not being arrogant, he is just being "entitled".

Monday, April 11, 2011

PM Harper and the "Art of Doing Nothing"

The other night Brian Mulroney, a conservative PM from the distant past, was on TV being interviewed by Steve Pakin. The Toronto Star ran with the story and commented on Mulroney's less than enthusiastic support for our PM Harper.

If you saw the interview or read the Star article (Really??? You read the Star?) there are a few things you need to know.

PM Harper wants to be PM because he wants to be PM, nothing else (except maybe having a few trips overseas, buying some F-35s, and having a nice cottage in the Gatineaus). There is no secret agenda ... because quite simply, PM Harper doesn't see the point. He's PM and that is enough.

Now Mr. Mulroney said:
“There are big ideas out there,” said the man who helped end apartheid in South Africa and gave Canada free trade with the United States.
“Popularity is meaningless unless you use it to do big and good things for your country and for the people of Canada.”
Obviously Mr. Mulroney has different ideas about the role of government. He seems to think the point of being PM is to actually do something. Fortunately PM Harper knows better. Take this response:
“What, really, have we got to show for our five years in office?” asked a former senior official in the Prime Minister’s Office.
Luckily the answer is almost nothing. Except for a grab bag of tax cuts and tax credits, and spreading some pork around to all the ridings that were smart enough to vote Tory last time, the Harper government has done just what Canadians want it to do - nothing.

So when your friends talk to you about who to vote for, you can proudly remind them that the Tories have done and will continue to do nothing. As one Tory MP concisely explained:
"Being in power is better than not being in power"
And that is really all you need to know. 

TFSA limits to be DOUBLED!

Oh Yeah! ..... PM Harper has announced that as soon as the federal budget is balanced (circa 2030?) TFSA contribution limits will double to $10,000 a year. This is absolutely wonderful news for all the savers out there. No longer will you have to pay income tax on your unsheltered hard earned 0.50% interest. Just imagine the savings! It should easily be enough for an extra double double at least once a year. Finally, hard working Canadians like you will be justly rewarded for their thrift.

Now you may hear some whiners out there saying that this is just another tax break for the wealthier in our society. You know, the people who have run out of contribution room on their RRSPs, their RESPs, and their $5,000 TSFAs. Surely these whiners don't know what they are talking about. There is no way that someone making say $250,000 a year with two children would ever be able to max out these deductions. By the time they make mortgage payments, car payments, private school tuition, ski vacations, European vacations, golf club memberships, and doggie day spas there is no way they could have enough extra income to benefit from this increase in limits. No this is not a break for the wealthy.

The true beneficiary of this visionary change will be your average Stephen. No longer forced to save through an RRSP, with its limited tax benefits (if you are in a lower tax bracket you only get a small percentage refund) and penalties for early withdrawals, average Stephen will be able to save, tax sheltered (just like the rich), and with maximum flexibility. If he needs his money, say to buy a new big screen TV, he will be able to easily access it, without penalty.

Of course there are other nervous Nellies out there that wonder about the long term impact on people's retirement savings from these changes. Not to worry. In fact, according to our calculations and projections, the increased TSFA allowances will convince many Canadians to bypass the restrictive RRSPs all together. When they put their money into a TSFA instead of an RRSP the government does not have to give them a tax refund, so it saves lots of money and therefore will be able to reduce the federal deficit even more quickly. Of course this will mean less tax revenue in later years, but by then PM Harper will be long gone, so who cares.

Let's not forget that there are also well deserved benefits for investors, the people who risk their money to provide us all with jobs. At $20,000 a year for an average couple, within 5 years they would be able to put away $100,000 (and $200,000 in 10 years) and invest it with all their capital gains being totally tax free! Just think of the wonders this will do for job creation as well as rightly rewarding the risk takers in our society.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Doing your job

My fellow sheeple I must congratulate you on your work so far in this campaign. I took a drive around several areas of town and I have to say I am impressed with the way you have bought into the PM Harper campaign. 

As I drove through the working class and poorer areas of the riding it warmed my heart to see the number of Conservative signs sitting proudly on people's lawns. Sheeple you are really doing your job!

But ... as I drove around the middle class and wealthier parts of the riding I was a little shocked to see that red liberal signs seemed to outnumber the Tory blue signs. Something does seem to be amiss.

So ... I have a request of you, my fellow sheeple. When you go back to work on Monday make sure you talk to your bosses and middle managers. Make sure they understand that PM Harper is working for all Canadians, not just the poor and less well-off.

If you need a bit of extra ammunition I suggest using a wonderful little story that we picked up from the latest US demonstrations. You see there is this businessman, an employee, and welfare recipient sitting around a table with 12 cookies on it. The businessman takes 11 of the cookies then leans over to the employee and whispers "Be careful, that welfare recipient wants to steal your cookie!"

Now I am guessing the point of the story may not be all that clear to you, but don't worry, if you tell this to your boss or manager I can assure you they will get the message right away. Try it out and let's make sure even the wealthy are voting Tory this time.

The F-35's will make money for Canada.

Well fellow sheeple, I'm sure you are hearing a lot of disinformation about PM Harper's decision to buy Canada some badly overdue, really kick ass stealth jet fighters. There are scaremongers out there trying to tell you Canada can't afford these fighters, that they will be too expensive and that they are not the fighters Canada really needs. To this we say "Rubbish".

Before we get into the emotional issues involved (remember always stick to emotions and just ignore those painfully pesky facts), let's just review how much money jet fighters have already made for Canada in just the last few weeks. By having jet fighters available to bomb Libya Canada has helped the international coalition to increase the price of oil by at least $15 a barrel. With 2 million barrels a day of exports that has already been worth an extra $30 million a day to Canada. So what we have is every 2.5 days Canada gains enough from the Libyan use of force to buy 1 new jet fighter. If we can help keep this stalemate going for only 6 months the new jet fighters will be all paid for - WOW talk about a value for money investment!

Sure there are those that claim the fighters will actually cost more, maybe double. Who cares? Just keep the Libya thing a ma jig going for one year and that increase (which won't happen anyway) would be covered too. We sheeple know that the military pays its way. Real conservatives know that guns are good, big guns are even better, and high tech stealth fighters ... well they are positively phallic.

There are those that say Canada does not need stealth fighter aircraft, especially now in tough economic times. To that, we sheeple say baaack off. Canada needs to take its rightful place in the world warrior community (enough of this Lester B. Pearson namby pamby peace keeping crap). So what if we don't border on any enemy or potential enemy (except the one selling us the jet fighters that is). So what if we have to cut social programs to pay for the jet fighters (after all the poor would just use the money to buy more junk food and cigarettes, increasing our medical costs anyway). So what if we don't know how much they are going to ultimately cost (everyone knows a conservative does not need a budget. He just makes the hard decision, borrows the money, and gets on with life).

Always remember that is is important that PM Harper have a fully equipped state of the art air force at the ready whenever he goes overseas, or has to negotiate with foreign powers, or goes out for lunch at the Chateau Laurier.He needs to be able to walk with his head held high because all the other members of the alliance will have brought along their planes too. There's the UK with 138 planes (cut to less than 40 because of budgetary constraints), Norway with 4 F-35 trainers (decision put on hold), Holland 85 planes (not sure now that the price has climbed and the budget deficit worsened), Turkey with 100 (indefinitely on hold) and Israel with 79 (now 19).

So the bottom line is Canada needs a military, it needs an air force, and so it needs the best fighter aircraft money can buy, even if we don't have it right now (the money that is). Just remember the military can make the money back as long as they can help keep the Libyan oil off line (and oil prices high) for a year or so. If they can find a way to add in Algeria, Saudi Arabia, or even Iran into the mix then the payback can be even faster.

Tax Cuts

Today's mantra - remember to repeat it 10 times a day - is "all tax cuts or tax credits are GOOD".

Here at "Sheeple for Harper" we get a lot of letters (lots of letters, but strangely not too many e-mails) asking about tax cuts and credits as well as offering new ideas for tax cuts and credits.

Miss Q. in Ontario wrote to us complaining how her public transit tax credit has been taken away from her by local government bureaucrats. She explains that last year her children had to buy bus passes to go to high school and therefore she was able to claim the public transit tax credit. Unfortunately this year the local education bureaucrats expanded the free transit range to include her subdivision. Now her children no longer have to buy bus passes so she can no longer claim the public transit tax credit. She writes that this is not fair.

We at "Sheeple for Harper" heartily agree that Miss Q. has suffered. We have passed on a memo explaining her situation to the Harper campaign. It is every Canadian's right to be able to claim a tax credit irrespective of where they live. Receiving tax credits, no matter how small, how useless, how ridiculous or how economically distorting is a basic Canadian right.

Take for example the proposed fitness tax credit for adults. Clearly the past practice of only giving tax credits for children's fitness was discriminatory. Expanding it to cover adults was thus natural appropriate.  Here at "Sheeple for Harper" we expect that by the end of the campaign PM Harper will have added a "learning art/music for adults" tax credit to supplement the learning arts/music tax credit for children. We see tax credits as the most effective way to buy encourage voter support. We fully expect the following tax credits to be added before the end of the campaign:

  • a once a month "family night out" credit (for anyone with a family) so that families will be able to eat out together
  • a bottle of wine/scotch once a week tax credit (for anyone that drinks alcohol)
  • a cemetery preservation tax credit (to help cover the costs of maintaining your grave site, after you have occupied it) 
  • a Swiss Chalet night out tax credit  (to benefit all seniors, and all chicken producers) to cover a meal out every 3 months
  • a nature beautification tax credit to help out all those backyard gardeners cover the cost of beautifying their gardens

That is just a small selection of the tax credits we see coming down the line. So, if you have a business that would benefit from some inflated demand, just send along your details and we will will pass them on to the campaign.

We have already had very positive reports from local businesses that the tax credits have increased demand for their services/products and allowed them to increase their prices by far more than they had planned. One gym told us "this is like Christmas in April man. We have not seen business this good in ages, and people don't even seem to care about the price of the memberships because they know they are getting a tax credit. Thank you PM Harper."

So there you have it. PM Harper's tax credits are stimulating your local economy, allowing local businesses to make even higher profits. As more and more credits get rolled out the impact will only intensify. And, thanks to the wonders of deficit spending you won't ever have to pony up for these credits. It will all be put off until your children are old enough to pay taxes themselves. Don't you love conservative economics? "Always a free lunch".


"Evolution is just a theory"

One of the wisest and most innovative things that Stephen Harper has done as Prime Minister has been having Mr. Gary Goodyear from Cambridge, Ontario as his Minister of Science and Technology.

As loyal Conservatives we all know in our hearts that "to conserve" means to keep things just as they are. We know that it is stability, not change, that is the key to a better life. That's why things were always better in the past, before everything started changing. 

Stephen Harper recognizes this. That's why when he appointed his Minister of  Science and Technology he chose someone who understood that the true nature of life is stability, not change. PM Harper knows for example that a continuation of his government (stability) would naturally be far more beneficial to Canada than would a radical change to the liberals. So too he knows that a good Minister of Science and Technology must strive to make sure that Technology and Science don't get caught up in all this radical "change" stuff, and instead stay solidly focused on paying homage to the greats of the past. To this end Gary Goodyear stills produces his regular constituency letter on his Commodore 64.   

As a good Minister of Science Gary Goodyear doesn't subscribe to all this evolution hooey, all this stuff about we sheeple all being descended from simpler life forms driven by natural selection and various random processes. How ridiculous. Just because the term "sheeple" is a mix of sheep and people, does not mean that people and sheep are somehow related. How preposterous.

The Minister knows the world is only 6,000 years old and that any good change that has happened in the interim has been directed solely by our creator. He knows that any "evidence" to the contrary is just facts getting in the way of true belief. As a true conservative he can easily feel all the way to the bottom of his heart that there is no way that a "theory" of evolution, especially when supported by just "facts", can compete with the written down word of god, words that have stood unchanged and unmodified for over 2,000 years.

Once Stephen Harper gets his majority we can be sure that Mr Goodyear will be feel free to start to fund real "Christian" science and technology. I understand that in anticipation his office has already been receiving grant applications focused on these new areas of research.  One application by the "Flat Earth Society" is looking at what could happen if one were to fall over the edge at the end of the Earth. Another by the "god loves us society" wants to confirm that god really is a "conserv"ative because he conserves energy every night by turning off the sun.Then there is the Alberta group, "Fossils" that is applying for funding to open a creationist museum" to counter the evolutionary propaganda that dinosaurs and man did not co-exist.

So to sum up: if anyone asks you about "evolution", evolution is "just a theory". It's based on facts that are clearly wrong because we all know that stability is always preferable to radical change. Stephen Harper understands that and Gary Goodyear understands that and all good conservatives understand that too.