Saturday, April 16, 2011

Canada's youth should be studying .... not voting

Yes it is now April, the month of April showers that will bring May flowers, or in sheeple terms, an April campaign that will bring a May majority government.

But of course April is also the month of exams for the many college and university students out there, a time when these youngsters are finally actually studying after months of partying, a time when they are focusing on their studies and so have precious little extra time to learn all the nuances of the various political platforms in order to inform themselves correctly before they vote. And then, before you can blink, exams will be over and it will time to move home or to work for the summer. For many students May 2 will be the first day of their summer jobs, and therefore not a day to be spent trudging off to the polls.

Of course the Conservative party knew that when they picked May 2 as the day for the election. You see! Just one more reason to give PM Harper his deserved majority.

Now usually I don't like to get too deeply into specifics on this blog, after all this blog is for the sheeple, not actual thinking voters. Still I think it is important that you realize just how "competent" your party is, and how proud you should be of it. 

One of the things that it is important to remember is the difference between Canadian and American politics. In the US it is all about image and glowing feelings about the nation's future (Hope, Change, "Morning in America"). In Canada though we are far more reasonable. Here it's all about "competence". And as we saw from the debates this week PM Harper is definitely not about image or ideas or glowing feelings. He is all about competence. Again, why else do you think the election is on May 2. 

You will be happy to know that the Conservative team has taken very lengthy and informative "voter suppression" courses from our friends, the Republicans in the US (of course we don't really call it "voter suppression" ... its more like making sure "those" people can't or don't vote ... and we all know who "those" people are) . 

The US Republicans have been able to develop this into a science and so we had much to learn. One of their key "take away" points was to make sure that the people who might not vote for you do not in fact actually vote. The election is not just about getting the most people to vote for you, it is also about getting those people who might vote against you to stay home, away from any dangerous ballot boxes.

To that end the Conservative Party has focused its attention on a number of key areas:

1. Iggy. We have thrown the book at Iggy because if we can knock off the "head", the body will follow. The goal is not so much to convince Liberals to vote Tory, but to get Liberals to just stay home. 

2. Arguing. It turns out Canadians don't like their politicians to argue with each other. So of course the more we can have Iggy and Jack arguing away the more they become disgusted with all politicians and so stay home on election day. (Of course Tory voters know who is really competent, so they still turn up to vote).

3. Funding. This one is really for the future, but ultimately by cutting off the gravy train of money for opposition parties (your tax dollars going to the Bloc) we can let the better informed wealthy (why do you think they are wealthy) fund the party that best looks after their interests (and their interests are your interests too, trust us), just like in the US.

4. Young people. As we saw in Guelph this week, if we are not careful the young may actually get organized and may actually vote. We saw what happened in Egypt and Tunisia and Libya when young people, using their modern technologies started to organize and "gang up" on the establishment. It becomes chaos, with governments being overthrown. This can not be allowed to happen in Canada. So, we are working closely with Elections Canada to stifle quickly any attempt by "flash mobs" of young voters to cast uninformed ballots (see - "competence" again).

Remember sheeple this election is all about "competence". It is absolutely imperative that your next Canadian leader be someone who is able to effectively run the country, even if there is no "vision" or path to head along. After all it is no sense having a destination if you don't know how to drive. We all know that PM Harper knows how to drive, and that is the most impotent thing. Now is the time to give him a shiny new "majority" car so that he can go wherever he chooses to go, or maybe just nowhere, because we know he will do it competently.

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