"Evolution is just a theory"

One of the wisest and most innovative things that Stephen Harper has done as Prime Minister has been having Mr. Gary Goodyear from Cambridge, Ontario as his Minister of Science and Technology.

As loyal Conservatives we all know in our hearts that "to conserve" means to keep things just as they are. We know that it is stability, not change, that is the key to a better life. That's why things were always better in the past, before everything started changing. 

Stephen Harper recognizes this. That's why when he appointed his Minister of  Science and Technology he chose someone who understood that the true nature of life is stability, not change. PM Harper knows for example that a continuation of his government (stability) would naturally be far more beneficial to Canada than would a radical change to the liberals. So too he knows that a good Minister of Science and Technology must strive to make sure that Technology and Science don't get caught up in all this radical "change" stuff, and instead stay solidly focused on paying homage to the greats of the past. To this end Gary Goodyear stills produces his regular constituency letter on his Commodore 64.   

As a good Minister of Science Gary Goodyear doesn't subscribe to all this evolution hooey, all this stuff about we sheeple all being descended from simpler life forms driven by natural selection and various random processes. How ridiculous. Just because the term "sheeple" is a mix of sheep and people, does not mean that people and sheep are somehow related. How preposterous.

The Minister knows the world is only 6,000 years old and that any good change that has happened in the interim has been directed solely by our creator. He knows that any "evidence" to the contrary is just facts getting in the way of true belief. As a true conservative he can easily feel all the way to the bottom of his heart that there is no way that a "theory" of evolution, especially when supported by just "facts", can compete with the written down word of god, words that have stood unchanged and unmodified for over 2,000 years.

Once Stephen Harper gets his majority we can be sure that Mr Goodyear will be feel free to start to fund real "Christian" science and technology. I understand that in anticipation his office has already been receiving grant applications focused on these new areas of research.  One application by the "Flat Earth Society" is looking at what could happen if one were to fall over the edge at the end of the Earth. Another by the "god loves us society" wants to confirm that god really is a "conserv"ative because he conserves energy every night by turning off the sun.Then there is the Alberta group, "Fossils" that is applying for funding to open a creationist museum" to counter the evolutionary propaganda that dinosaurs and man did not co-exist.

So to sum up: if anyone asks you about "evolution", evolution is "just a theory". It's based on facts that are clearly wrong because we all know that stability is always preferable to radical change. Stephen Harper understands that and Gary Goodyear understands that and all good conservatives understand that too.